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Cactus Needles In My Skinship Butthole

eedahahm stupid pct pacific crest trail art chicago artist performance artist contemporary art


Even while hiking in nature, completed succumbed by it, the occasion of full body immersion doesn’t happen as often as one would think it would.  Nature is beautiful in concept but also ruthless.  The idea of being one with nature sounds so natural and easy in thought but the actual process of living in nature is difficult.  Even as we are hiking these beautiful scenes unperturbed by society, we have countless number of barriers that are protecting us from the true nakedness of wildness.  Wool socks that wicks away foot moisture and soaks up all of the funky smells, synthetic gloves provide barrier from the uv rays, plastic sun glasses for more uv projection, boots that allow for your feet to move freely around unknown untouched virgin surfaces of the earth, an umbrella to keep the sun away and the rain away, a map to understand our location, hiking poles to find balance, plastic water bottles to keep the body hydrated, plastic bags to keep the food safe, separate, and dry.  The list never ends; we are constantly relying on man made, synthetic, unnatural, materials and taught knowledge to be with nature unpredictability.  As much as I want to, I can’t just be naked in the middle of the desert, to be “one with nature”.  In fact, to sustain life out in the wilderness, takes tremendous amounts of practice, perseverance, planning, and knowledge. 

I took this photograph about a week into my hike.  I wanted to be naked, all the time.  I wanted to perform, dance, and meditate.  But finding time to do the things I had hoped to do was difficult.

It is one things to hike the earth and another to dance with the earth.  Hiking the earth is awesome, you get to walk, see vistas, challenge your body’s endurance steadily, practice your breathing; there are many beautiful things that arises from hiking.   But dancing with the earth is a completely different experience.  If hiking is math, dancing is music.  You are dancing you are listening to nature, you are interacting with her without an objective, you not moving to get to a location, you are moving without an explanation, there is no why.  You enter into an abstract relationship that flows organically without defined axioms.  It is indirect, inexplicable, ephemeral, ethereal, fragrant, and tasty.  Just thinking about it make my mouth water.

I remember spending an hour dancing around this particular location.  7 in the morning, the sun just peeking through the valleys facing east, heat starting to rise, temperatures changing.  I rolled around slowly feeling the random gusts of breeze entering and leaving the gap of my naked thighs.  My feet thanking me for not being suffocated by the tight enclosure of my boots.   The movement of my body is no longer controlled by my brain, but guided by the gentle whispers of mother nature’s voice.  The thoughts in my brain is no longer owned by my ego but flowing from the energies of the soil and the life breathes in it.

In a world where every hour is viewed as an x amount of $s.  Where our lives and our skills are objectified, scripted, and micro-managed.  Where anxiety and depression seems to be the unifying aggression of common denominator, there is nothing like the sexiness of dancing.  The art of living.  Being.  Pure love and happiness.

This was my first desert dance.

I listen.  Spoken through conditions of wind, light, temperature, color, and soul.  Elements of feels that can’t be comprehended or articulated.

Cactus needle unexpectedly prickles my asshole and other parts of my body.  My body is laying across bodies of plants.  Living things touching, dancing.  Mind wonders off into a day dream about where the wind that you just said hello came from, all the life it had to encounter in it’s journey; now it is here.  Let it all flow through.  Through your head, your body, your booty, your soul, your mind, your ego, your subconscious, your chi, all down back to nature; rinse and repeat.

In Korea and in Japan, people like to use a pseudo-English term called skinship.  Skinship means physical contact; for one’s skin to touch another’s.  Sexual identity and exploration in Korea is heavily suppressed, anything sex is always a taboo.  When skinship is present between two people publicly or even privately, almost instantaneously it becomes the talk of the town.  I had no idea growing up that these ideas were somehow ingrained in my nurture without really understanding why or how.  The complexity of gender and sexual identity was none-existent in my pedagogy, everything basically boiled down to skinship?  Was there skinship?  Who was the skinship with?  What kind of skinship happened?  No one really asked how or why; it was always who, when, and what.  Rudimentary ways of showing love such as hugging or even being in the vicinity of opposite sex was uncomfortable for me because I was afraid of skinship.  My views on sex and gender is not the same as it was during my prepubescent years, but the reason why I brought this up is because I want to acknowledge the importance of our relationship with nature.  Sexuality and humans are tied together, we are naturally sexual and it is not a taboo.  Same goes for nature.  We exist in nature, and are bound to it in ways that we have yet to uncover.  We cannot bottleneck our knowledge and relationship to nature by suppressing it, with a term like skinship.  We cannot be blind-sighted by corporate propaganda or the fault of our own ignorance and disinterest in nature; we have to dig deeper and try to understand and care for it.  In some ways these “stupid” nude dances are my own affirmation to deepen and explore the relationship that I have with the body, sexuality, mind, and nature.

eedahahm stupid pct pacific crest trail art chicago artist performance artist contemporary art

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