space and weight: matter
what matter matters?
but what matter matters?
matter of fact; science, everything
matter of faith; hmm…, ?
what matters to me?
what do i believe in?
as a child, i think my answers were food and fun
all i could ever think about was eating something tasty
having fun with my friends, playing video games, collecting toys
everything was so self centered and instantly gratifying
as a teenerager, money and sex
sex felt good, it was mysterious and natural
money felt good, it was mysterious and natural
everything was so self centered and instant gratifying
these are not answers i’m proud of, but it just seems reflective of what happened
i didn’t believe in god because didn’t have faith, not only was i completely apathetic, but i didn’t understand anything about god.
it seemed irrelevant in the world that i grew up in, there was no evidence, proof, and god was poor. he gave me no money, no sex, no food, no fun
i didn’t believe in society because i was cynical, i couldn’t see beyond the corruption manifested in capitalism
there is no utopia, will never be a utopia, assholes will always exist, “nice” people will always exist, its a matter of semantics
we are all gonna die anyways and the universe is expanding faster than the speed of light, what is the point?
so as an adult… i was left with pretty shitty answers…
growing up my experiences has been food, fun, money, and sex…
when you are young, at least you can plead ignorance, as an adult this is debilitating
however before i knew of it’s terrible consequences I thought to myself, ‘hey this is not that bad’.
i’m an educated person, i’m not stupid, i’ve found a formula that works for me, maybe i can beat the system?
so unconsciously and maybe even very consciously, i lived a life of chasing after food, fun, money, and sex
is this the science to happiness? the objective truth of capitalism?
i don’t know
but what i do know is, how empty i became
nothing i believed in had any weight, no gravity, no permanence, no value, little meaning.
i was living a life fueled by money. when i had a lot of it, it felt great, when i had none… it was anxiety inducing.
the money directly powered my fun, food, and sex; the trifecta of my religion/faith.
i had gotten used to this lifestyle, i was molded into it, it was what i grew up watching, what society had taught me, and the withdrawal was deadly.
scarier than being dependant on any drug.
i thank mother nature everyday for allowing this journey into the pct.
so much of what i value have completely realigned; naturally via nature
the answers were always within my reach.
as a matter of fact, so close, it’s stupid!
what makes me intrinsically happy
what matters to me
my subjective truth
is friends, family, community, and mama nature
it is devoting my finite time on earth to heal and communicate these entities through art and communication
we must stand strong independently so that we can empower each other, support one another, and spread unconditional love
look at these trees. the two grand parents on the left, withering out the test of time filled with wisdom passing it down to their youngins, the parents on the right in their prime protecting their children with love and knowledge, and two siblings representing the younger generation feeding off of their elders and giving them the vitality of youth and energy. crevassed snugly between all their neighbors who are all harnessed by mama nature’s infinite love.
it is almost shameful that some living humans don’t have relationships and community dynamics as endearing and empowering as the ones of these trees.
you can change that; we can change it together